How Past Experiences Impact Trust and Intimacy

It's not easy feeling close when arguing with someone. Anger, pain & resentment can all affect intimacy & trust. Learn how past experiences shape our view on these two aspects & how we must seek help if struggling.

How Past Experiences Impact Trust and Intimacy

It's not easy to feel close to someone you're arguing with.


, pain, resentment, lack of trust, or a sense of not being appreciated can all have a negative effect on intimacy. This selection process is determined by countless interactions with other people that preceded this moment in time. Examining past experience can make it very risky for some, but it can also open the door to potential intimacy and love. Intimacy is more likely to develop when the other person reveals themselves or when they respond to your efforts to connect.

For example, suppose that the boy and the girl in this figure had photographs taken so that they could be presented to the tests of the university cheerleading team. On the day of the tests, they meet for the first time and have an informal conversation on the registration line. You and Your Partner May Define Intimacy Differently, and That's OK. Everyone sees intimacy differently because we've experienced it differently. Our behavior, experience, and past relationships are the lenses through which we see the world.

These affect how we experience intimacy. If someone tells you how they felt after reading a book, you may feel the need to reciprocate and express how the book made you feel. If someone shares a painful experience from their recent past, you may also feel the need to relate a difficulty similar to the one you faced in your own life.


can take years to develop, but it can be destroyed in an instant. People who have trust issues have often had significant negative experiences in the past with people or organizations that they initially considered trustworthy. For example, studies show that children of divorced parents and those from abusive homes are more likely to have issues with intimacy, commitment, and trust in their future relationships. See a therapist and talk about all of this.

Obviously, you recognize that you have trust issues and you recognize that your past traumatic experience has affected you in a terrible way. Talking about this with a professional will allow you to open those wounds and let them heal the right way. It will allow you to learn to trust and create bonds with another person. It will teach you to let go of what happened in the past and to empower yourself. This year things have been getting better, but I don't see myself able to trust someone enough to be my true self.

I know there's a way to be happy and confident again, but I don't know how to get out of my own path. He has given me a couple of reasons not to trust him, but nothing in terms of infidelity and more than 3 years since his last use of cocaine. My inability to trust others causes me to push others away before they can harm me, which means that I have no friends. Group therapy for trust issues can also be particularly effective, as people who are undergoing treatment for similar mental health issues can learn to build trust with the therapist and other members of the group. How would I gain trust in my boyfriend if he cheated on him twice in less than 1.5 years, and then gave me more reasons not to trust him by deleting more than 40 mobile phone calls in less than a month to a supposed customer, and always having an excuse why I can't see his mobile phone bill?I'm looking for a little advice to start a new relationship, that turns out it has a totally random problem, but nonetheless, a trust problem. Since then he has lost trust in me, he doesn't want to talk to me, little things like not sending hearts of love, not saying that I love you so much and he keeps telling me that “trust is like a piece of paper, you can wrinkle it and when you straighten it out it can't be perfect anymore”, but I don't know what to do, I love it and I don't want to lose it. I tell them that I have an abusive past and explain my limits (which include not touching me and having a male companion or a trusted nurse present during any exam).

I tried going to therapy, but didn't realize that my underlying problem was a total lack of trust, so I left therapy because I felt like I couldn't trust the therapist (her behavior gave me reasons not to).He doesn't trust me at all since an incident occurred where I was talking to him on the phone and ignored him because he was a guy I was attracted to. He tells me that he still likes me, but that he can't have a relationship with someone he can't trust. He's worried that this will happen again, maybe when he's not around to find out. My last therapist was an AA charlatan, and instead of teaching me coping skills and regaining confidence, she was throwing religious and AA rhetoric at me. The key is understanding how our past experiences shape our view on trust and intimacy. It's important for us all to recognize our own individual needs when it comes to these two aspects of relationships.

We must also be aware of our own limitations when it comes to trusting others. It's essential for us all to seek help from professionals if we find ourselves struggling with these issues.